Puddles

Here I go again.

Watching myself fall over you in front of you,

Desperate to cover the miriad of puddles, dead ahead.

Trying to save you from getting your feet wet,

Lifes terrain is random and jagged.

Littered with a million relfections of a beautiful blue sky.

All I see, is the rough brown horizen and your figure shinking.

I know why I still drop to my knees everytime you approach.

It's to save myself from having to spend the coming months,

Watching you go through the pain of drying all over again.

Id like to forgive myself and stand back up.

Then who would I be?

Giving up on the passion for love and freindship,

I use as scaffolding to keep my broken parts together.

That keeps me grounded in bitter tasting serendipity.

To become like you, willing to walk over someone to keep my feet dry.

My chest and body take longer to dry than your feet.

Yet I'll still be here to cover your path on your return.

I guess thats what makes me happy to be a puddle cover.

Smiling chin down in murky water, never seeing the full majesty of a baby blue sky

With my eyes fixed on the most beautful sunset and your figure as it shrinks.

Edward Ramsden

20/4/2013

Always giving, even when I have nothing left for myself.
I would rather the sadness be contained in my putrid vessel,
Than it ever afflict the ones I love.

Um, somethings going on.

I don't quite know how to tell you this,

I think I found god today.

I know what your thinking, religion or cult?

But in a completely different way.

Our god is no deity, created by faith.

A level 3 intelligence, a Omnipotent race.

A creator of life, on a much bigger scale,

He created our existence, with the ability to fail

He provided this planet and gave passive for life,

Watching Mountains persevere, through fire and ice. 

That we all have to power to become just like him.

Not through magic or the avoidance of sin.

Through the understanding that we, are all just ants on a hill

With unlimited potential for greatness, with a tendency to kill.

14 million other races, seems so far out of reach.

If we taught the whole planet, to stop preaching and teach.

He gave no rules, no directions to be.

Just a small chance of existence and let us be free,

There is no heaven, subsequently no hell.

Just one life to help the future become more than ourselves.

Some say religion is needed, some say it serves to teach.

God never wanted to segregate love, but let it spread it beyond our reach.

We can all become much more than ourselves,

Our arrogance holds us back.

Where love should be issued to so many in need,

Instead we choose to attack.

This race isn't over, but nothings for sure.

As we may destroy ourselves.

But if sanity wins and love is abundance.

Then maybe all will be well.

Edward Ramsden

18/04/13

Anybody Got Any tips on naming poems? Cause I'm stumped!

I invite shadows to lay where sun once stood

Yet I dont ask you to join me.

Your invisible facade intends to amuse

Only stands to vex and annoy me.

Your coat, two sided, with mistust I confide in.

Your happines was worth more than a million horizens

But when my face was the footing you needed to ascend 

You wrote epilouge endings, about moving on freinds

Leaving a part that no one else seems to miss.

Like holding a hand or sharing a kiss.

Your soo near the top but cant quite grab hold

Of the journeys finale, about to unfold.

Now shadows deny what other accept.

The cliches of life that you often wept.

You soon found a place for my brick in the wall,

Talented, giving, Handsom and tall

A freind with a benifit, a shadow cant provide.

Logic fails where emotions thrives.

Its so great you are happy

But I feel sad I'm no longer your thing.

As you dance out of shadows and into the sun light

A welcome the coming of spring

Edward Ramsden

16/04/2004

Great god this shit sucks.

The forgotten chapter of Dictionary boy

 

 

Were you scared your crop had failed,?

When i left open my door.

Did you have to leave so quickly?

I had nothing more to offer to you.

I failed to present to you my gift when you left.

My attempts were only left empty when your cart didnt return that night,

I had a plan to adorn your shoulders with lavender and gold,

To present a feast I worked years to afford.

You left me a note with the name of a town, written hastely on the back of a reciept.

Its all but faded today, but back then the paper still smelled of your perfume.

I had a small speech, written down in the back of my brain.

Devised from years of old poems and scrap book dreams.

My stomoch hurt,

Patiently waiting day by day with my eyes fixed on the crest of the old dirt road.

Nothing kicked the dust like it used to.

I waited for what seemed like 10 years.

My feast untouched, it became home for vermiculite and small insects.

My offerings still sat nearby incase she returned.

The speech has slowly left my cerebral cortex and all i can remember is the name of a town.

My muscles heavy with years of anxiety and ache with every small vibration.

What would she think of me now?

My clothes are all but strips of cloth held together with dust and salt,

From the small amount of pain I allowed to leave my quiet desperation.

Through silent crying and a moments of whispering your name.

I took me two years to reach you,

I gave up everything I had to own to get here.

Where are you?

This old hamlet looks dead.

I look through windows and peer over hedges.

I go over the name of the town in my head,

hoping I had made some mistake and I was in the wrong place.

Have you gone?

I find a small graveyard but cant find your name.

I slump behind a cold stone.

Thumping my fists into the ground with mercyless anger.

Something falls heavy to the ground.

An old dictionary, forgotten and abused.

Peering out a small scrap of paper, a torn recipt.

The smell of perfume snaps my synapses and shocks my body.

A small peice of my heart breaks.

My breathing stops and arrests my senses.

just enough to allow the cold to take the last of my warmth.

My last wish was for your harvest to bloom,

For your love to be shared by someone worthy.

With my final breath,

I hold onto a memory of when my door was still closed.

Of a time when you believed I could love you

When you still smiled at me and I knew I didnt have to pretend.

That i was a brave man.

But you loved me all the same.

 

   Edward Ramsden

34.2.10

 

The great thing about long poems is that not many people can be bothered to read the whole thing.

If they do, they more often than not disregard meaning and context.

Rendering the poem, in their eyes, just a nice poem about something sad.

This is a fantastic way of expressing myself without people who dont give a shit noticing.

 

This poem is really important to me

Your castle

Did you hear my castle fell,

from a tyrant and hero alike.

Each brick took away part of my small kingdom

Safe inside my walls I feared no evil.

To practise love and forgivness without the eyes of the world upon me.

To learn how to love without having to take the credit,

to learn how to give without ever recieving reward.

Loving more with every moment, until my castle fell.

Now you stand in my courtyard but see no love.

you see broken bricks and a scared man

With nothing to his name but the dreams on his back,

I think in that moment you decided that there was nothing here to take

With little disregard for your mess and trouble

You left without looking back, assured in your smugness that I now have even less.

My castle fallen, my walls are broke and that scared man still stands.

But my love and forgivness will always remain here.

Long after your walls fall.

 

Edward Ramsden

 

31/03/2013

A DEAD mans WALK

Oh our stories done?

before it begun?

A fun filled summer arrives without the sun.

No need to glance over your shoulder anymore,

I wont make this walk hard, because its always been yours.

No longer looking back, seem the best road ahead.

Why waste time with the ugly and dead.

This prison no longer the place of your rest,

Where we carry no prisoner to feel the bereft.

You always wanted what I couldn't afford,

A beautiful tree, in a midnight storm.

Oh the light up ahead seems warm and inviting

A much better reason to give up on fighting.

The doors are open but I wont follow you,

I wont make trouble for the beautiful youth.

Ill just keep walking and I've still got quite far.

Away from the talented and beautiful, just like you are

Ill stay up with you and make sure you're alright

If it wasn't as pointless as continuing this fight.

What you gain from our shared time,

Is nothing compared, To the talent and magnetism of the visually compared.

I'm not longer a part of your once exciting existence.

You shrug and say oh well, ill carry on and act like nothing happened.

Because I'm nothing alright and you remind me everyday,

When all my answers were just a walk away.

Edward Ramsden

Wrote this a long time ago

The beautiful and talent will always win over the ugly and unlovable.

I don't care what you beautiful people say, you don't know what its like to be ugly and have the whole world grimace at your attempts at making life or smiling.

Because all beautiful people are exactly the same, just with a different perfect facade.

Complain all you want, your beautiful...Smile!

Dont panic

I wish i could say sorry for the pain,

but you wont have to feel it much longer.

I'm nearing the end of this rope and its knotted,

Like every lump in my throat the moment it started.

Don't be sad for me, I'm fine cant you see.

Why worry, the world is bigger than me.

This note itself, wasn't intended to rhyme

But I lost everything I once called mine.

I know what you say, Everyone and everything is right here

If you stood in my head for 3 seconds, my reasons to you would be clear.

My last request will go unheard, so I wrote in a code no body will know

So after all this is over, you wont ever have to fear about me anymore.

No one ever really dies, I hear some are reborn.

To live my life over and never make friends.

So I can live alone and decide every day if I want to live or not.

You know what? I am sorry.

Sorry i couldn't be the person everyone thought I was inside.

I'm a coward and I had a promise i would make peoples lives better, not worse.

I lost my way and I hate the way I Turned out.

I tried to be a better person and am aware of unlucky some people are

Its another reason to go and let that luck and happiness fall onto someone who deserves it.

Ill make some changes and give what I can,

In the last week of living, I'll prove what I am.

The last gift of my life, is taking it away from everyone.

Thanks for the good times, although it might contradict the end result.

Just wanted you to know that I really did have fun.