How did it ever come to this.

 

How did it ever come to this?

The emptyness in my stomoch, makes me scared and sick.

Where once in my heart, was a feild where roses would bloom.

Now a carpet lies soft orange embers, rough, jagged and ruin.

In between cracks, I find no comfort in old messages and broken promises.

Between waves of medication I experience moments of pure clarity,

Perfect vision and understanding of my current conditon.

As Each wave ends and a new begins,

I am certain I know how to save you.

Thi is the place where I am brave without having to think.

Alas, like the missing minute at midnight,

All my progress is quickly stolen from me between dreams

Dreams that dont come easily, Fighting my grasp as I try to contain my insomnia

Fate does not seem to matter anymore, neither does coincedence.

We are all just a cluster of atoms, trying desperatly to understand itself.

The line between what we see and what we feel is blurred,

Yet it seems warm and inviting.

Like a loved one taking you in from the cold.

Im reality I'm sad that I've lost a freind.

Sadder I opened myself up to get hurt again.

How did it ever come to this?

The emptyness in my stomoch, still makes me scared and sick.

When once in my heart, was a feild where roses would bloom.

Now a carpet lies soft, orange embers,

Around a gate thats now forever closed to you.

 

 

 

Edward Ramsden

2/05/2013

Your camera

 

You picture's are sepia stained

Born though a unatural desire to obtain every beautiful moment for yourself

Keeping them stored through digital magic

Time stamps over images you felt nothing snatching from me.

Your names embossed over a memory you will not bother to keep inside your head

So many people, thrown, already overwritten in you mind

Done, rewoud and ready to over expose on the next unwary subject.

You'll never know your what your camera took from me.

Empty pages where future possibilies once lay.

Freinds forgotten for the sake of breaking a heart for pleasure.

Love denied where real love lies, all for the sake of an easier ride.

Torn pictures lay in your wake, you seldom stop to pick up the peices you scatter.

Instead you make plans to destroy the images of the ones who threaten your progress.

You post your adventures and mock us with what once belonged to we.

Making sure to smooth out personal wrinkles that weigh you down.

Your camera stole my a large part of my comfort and a small part of my humanity.

Making me distrust the lens glare from your eyes and the subtitles you spew

Targeted to inflict deep bones and open wounds, designed to simply ease the pain.

When the dark room is empty and no one is left to look at your pictures.

Who will you be then?

 

 

Edward Ramsden

 

10/2/2007

 

We who cant stand the sun

 

 

 

I omit my graze, from where the sun shine reflects,

Keeping equal footing between each pacing step.

Desperate to get back to the comfort of the shade

Familar and warm, with little space for social demands.

Working hard to better myself for no one but me.

Keeping away from beutifuly lit, untouchables.

Each skill I aquire hopes to impress,

To move the branches of my tree and allow for a small shaft of sunlight

To illuminate my pride in the land where normally shadows lie.

Few notice and fewer keep focus

With turned heads and almost sorrowful sighs, the clouds return

Draggin you all into sharing my world

And you begin feel sorry for the poor boy, who could never stand the sun.

 

 

Edward Ramsden

 

20/04/2013

 

For the few that ran away when I became afraid,

I lay no blame on you

for only love and forgivness can exist in my world.

And you are always welcome 

Puddles

Here I go again.

Watching myself fall over you in front of you,

Desperate to cover the miriad of puddles, dead ahead.

Trying to save you from getting your feet wet,

Lifes terrain is random and jagged.

Littered with a million relfections of a beautiful blue sky.

All I see, is the rough brown horizen and your figure shinking.

I know why I still drop to my knees everytime you approach.

It's to save myself from having to spend the coming months,

Watching you go through the pain of drying all over again.

Id like to forgive myself and stand back up.

Then who would I be?

Giving up on the passion for love and freindship,

I use as scaffolding to keep my broken parts together.

That keeps me grounded in bitter tasting serendipity.

To become like you, willing to walk over someone to keep my feet dry.

My chest and body take longer to dry than your feet.

Yet I'll still be here to cover your path on your return.

I guess thats what makes me happy to be a puddle cover.

Smiling chin down in murky water, never seeing the full majesty of a baby blue sky

With my eyes fixed on the most beautful sunset and your figure as it shrinks.

Edward Ramsden

20/4/2013

Always giving, even when I have nothing left for myself.
I would rather the sadness be contained in my putrid vessel,
Than it ever afflict the ones I love.

Um, somethings going on.

I don't quite know how to tell you this,

I think I found god today.

I know what your thinking, religion or cult?

But in a completely different way.

Our god is no deity, created by faith.

A level 3 intelligence, a Omnipotent race.

A creator of life, on a much bigger scale,

He created our existence, with the ability to fail

He provided this planet and gave passive for life,

Watching Mountains persevere, through fire and ice. 

That we all have to power to become just like him.

Not through magic or the avoidance of sin.

Through the understanding that we, are all just ants on a hill

With unlimited potential for greatness, with a tendency to kill.

14 million other races, seems so far out of reach.

If we taught the whole planet, to stop preaching and teach.

He gave no rules, no directions to be.

Just a small chance of existence and let us be free,

There is no heaven, subsequently no hell.

Just one life to help the future become more than ourselves.

Some say religion is needed, some say it serves to teach.

God never wanted to segregate love, but let it spread it beyond our reach.

We can all become much more than ourselves,

Our arrogance holds us back.

Where love should be issued to so many in need,

Instead we choose to attack.

This race isn't over, but nothings for sure.

As we may destroy ourselves.

But if sanity wins and love is abundance.

Then maybe all will be well.

Edward Ramsden

18/04/13

Anybody Got Any tips on naming poems? Cause I'm stumped!

I invite shadows to lay where sun once stood

Yet I dont ask you to join me.

Your invisible facade intends to amuse

Only stands to vex and annoy me.

Your coat, two sided, with mistust I confide in.

Your happines was worth more than a million horizens

But when my face was the footing you needed to ascend 

You wrote epilouge endings, about moving on freinds

Leaving a part that no one else seems to miss.

Like holding a hand or sharing a kiss.

Your soo near the top but cant quite grab hold

Of the journeys finale, about to unfold.

Now shadows deny what other accept.

The cliches of life that you often wept.

You soon found a place for my brick in the wall,

Talented, giving, Handsom and tall

A freind with a benifit, a shadow cant provide.

Logic fails where emotions thrives.

Its so great you are happy

But I feel sad I'm no longer your thing.

As you dance out of shadows and into the sun light

A welcome the coming of spring

Edward Ramsden

16/04/2004

Great god this shit sucks.

The forgotten chapter of Dictionary boy

 

 

Were you scared your crop had failed,?

When i left open my door.

Did you have to leave so quickly?

I had nothing more to offer to you.

I failed to present to you my gift when you left.

My attempts were only left empty when your cart didnt return that night,

I had a plan to adorn your shoulders with lavender and gold,

To present a feast I worked years to afford.

You left me a note with the name of a town, written hastely on the back of a reciept.

Its all but faded today, but back then the paper still smelled of your perfume.

I had a small speech, written down in the back of my brain.

Devised from years of old poems and scrap book dreams.

My stomoch hurt,

Patiently waiting day by day with my eyes fixed on the crest of the old dirt road.

Nothing kicked the dust like it used to.

I waited for what seemed like 10 years.

My feast untouched, it became home for vermiculite and small insects.

My offerings still sat nearby incase she returned.

The speech has slowly left my cerebral cortex and all i can remember is the name of a town.

My muscles heavy with years of anxiety and ache with every small vibration.

What would she think of me now?

My clothes are all but strips of cloth held together with dust and salt,

From the small amount of pain I allowed to leave my quiet desperation.

Through silent crying and a moments of whispering your name.

I took me two years to reach you,

I gave up everything I had to own to get here.

Where are you?

This old hamlet looks dead.

I look through windows and peer over hedges.

I go over the name of the town in my head,

hoping I had made some mistake and I was in the wrong place.

Have you gone?

I find a small graveyard but cant find your name.

I slump behind a cold stone.

Thumping my fists into the ground with mercyless anger.

Something falls heavy to the ground.

An old dictionary, forgotten and abused.

Peering out a small scrap of paper, a torn recipt.

The smell of perfume snaps my synapses and shocks my body.

A small peice of my heart breaks.

My breathing stops and arrests my senses.

just enough to allow the cold to take the last of my warmth.

My last wish was for your harvest to bloom,

For your love to be shared by someone worthy.

With my final breath,

I hold onto a memory of when my door was still closed.

Of a time when you believed I could love you

When you still smiled at me and I knew I didnt have to pretend.

That i was a brave man.

But you loved me all the same.

 

   Edward Ramsden

34.2.10

 

The great thing about long poems is that not many people can be bothered to read the whole thing.

If they do, they more often than not disregard meaning and context.

Rendering the poem, in their eyes, just a nice poem about something sad.

This is a fantastic way of expressing myself without people who dont give a shit noticing.

 

This poem is really important to me

Your castle

Did you hear my castle fell,

from a tyrant and hero alike.

Each brick took away part of my small kingdom

Safe inside my walls I feared no evil.

To practise love and forgivness without the eyes of the world upon me.

To learn how to love without having to take the credit,

to learn how to give without ever recieving reward.

Loving more with every moment, until my castle fell.

Now you stand in my courtyard but see no love.

you see broken bricks and a scared man

With nothing to his name but the dreams on his back,

I think in that moment you decided that there was nothing here to take

With little disregard for your mess and trouble

You left without looking back, assured in your smugness that I now have even less.

My castle fallen, my walls are broke and that scared man still stands.

But my love and forgivness will always remain here.

Long after your walls fall.

 

Edward Ramsden

 

31/03/2013

A DEAD mans WALK

Oh our stories done?

before it begun?

A fun filled summer arrives without the sun.

No need to glance over your shoulder anymore,

I wont make this walk hard, because its always been yours.

No longer looking back, seem the best road ahead.

Why waste time with the ugly and dead.

This prison no longer the place of your rest,

Where we carry no prisoner to feel the bereft.

You always wanted what I couldn't afford,

A beautiful tree, in a midnight storm.

Oh the light up ahead seems warm and inviting

A much better reason to give up on fighting.

The doors are open but I wont follow you,

I wont make trouble for the beautiful youth.

Ill just keep walking and I've still got quite far.

Away from the talented and beautiful, just like you are

Ill stay up with you and make sure you're alright

If it wasn't as pointless as continuing this fight.

What you gain from our shared time,

Is nothing compared, To the talent and magnetism of the visually compared.

I'm not longer a part of your once exciting existence.

You shrug and say oh well, ill carry on and act like nothing happened.

Because I'm nothing alright and you remind me everyday,

When all my answers were just a walk away.

Edward Ramsden

Wrote this a long time ago

The beautiful and talent will always win over the ugly and unlovable.

I don't care what you beautiful people say, you don't know what its like to be ugly and have the whole world grimace at your attempts at making life or smiling.

Because all beautiful people are exactly the same, just with a different perfect facade.

Complain all you want, your beautiful...Smile!

Dont panic

I wish i could say sorry for the pain,

but you wont have to feel it much longer.

I'm nearing the end of this rope and its knotted,

Like every lump in my throat the moment it started.

Don't be sad for me, I'm fine cant you see.

Why worry, the world is bigger than me.

This note itself, wasn't intended to rhyme

But I lost everything I once called mine.

I know what you say, Everyone and everything is right here

If you stood in my head for 3 seconds, my reasons to you would be clear.

My last request will go unheard, so I wrote in a code no body will know

So after all this is over, you wont ever have to fear about me anymore.

No one ever really dies, I hear some are reborn.

To live my life over and never make friends.

So I can live alone and decide every day if I want to live or not.

You know what? I am sorry.

Sorry i couldn't be the person everyone thought I was inside.

I'm a coward and I had a promise i would make peoples lives better, not worse.

I lost my way and I hate the way I Turned out.

I tried to be a better person and am aware of unlucky some people are

Its another reason to go and let that luck and happiness fall onto someone who deserves it.

Ill make some changes and give what I can,

In the last week of living, I'll prove what I am.

The last gift of my life, is taking it away from everyone.

Thanks for the good times, although it might contradict the end result.

Just wanted you to know that I really did have fun.

Midnight madness

 

 

 

Shes lifes greatest secret,

Magic like we once dreamed of in books.

A freind like the one we always wanted growing up.

Shes the missing particle that completes our understanding of the universe.

Shes the most beauful word in any written language,

Understood by a few, but admired by all others.

Shes the pattern behind every beautiful compilation of pixels on a screen.

Shes the first song I hear and the last words to drift inti my head before I rest.

Shes a small moment between the wind and the rain.

When nature leaves you alone for a breif moment as if to say

"Hey, its ok for now. Just enjoy this chance of weightlessness"

Then plunges you back into streams of water that makes you feel alive.

If only for the moment.

Shes the rainbows end, A beautiful image

 just out of arms reach until she can dissapear

Reforming elsewhere to remove the sadness of others.

Shes lifes greatest secret and the world may not love her as well as it should,

Yet in a small part of the universe, on a rock that wont stop spinning,

Someone will always love her, maybe not in the way that he can ever admit.

But in a way that makes sure she is always loved and thought of.

Even if she never knows it.

 

 

Edward Ramsden

 

3/6/2004

 

Midnight madness, Years go

Run

 

 

Why cant i find my reason to run,

Why must i take part in this endless chase

Theres no finish line, just a differant stopping point for every person

Can i run a but further than you.

you stopped a few feet ago

and i'm not allowed to go back.

Why couldnt we have stopped together

and take on what lies beyond.

I hear its really nice to share with someone

the moment when your both ready to stop running

I know now that id never have to tell you the truth

That for me, stopping in the same place as someone as awesome as you

Is as scary as any nightmare, is more hopless that the sad mans dreams,

Is as unnatural to this world as all of the worldsd hate combined

I will never see the gardens with sun lit rose petals,

Ill never see the smile on your face when you reach real happiness.

Ill only see something I could never be,

Yet everyday I wish i could be.

The cause of your smile and never of your frown.

 

Edward Ramsden

 

21/03/13

 

"Its there written in the playground,

Loves kiss, hate or ignore"

Was it worth it?

Will 4 Months Be The Penultimate Final Stop?
Will every Repeat Read The Same?
Thanks And Goodbye, No Its Not Your Fault,
It’s Me Cant U see I’m Not Yours,
So Ill Walk Away so you can Joke,
And I Wont Be offended By Your Ridicule,
Save me The Tears, Force me The Fears
And Now I’m All Alone In silence,
Hearing Your Words Over And Over…
It’s Over, No More, The End.
Where Did All Decency Go,
Have No one The Compassion For A Viking Funeral,
The last Salute To The Unknown Soldier.
Ill Write Your Number Down And Hide It,
Delete Your Messages On My Phone And Keep The Ones in My head,
And Ill Accept Your Decision Because I Care.
But Inside Its Just Another Reason To Stop…

 

Edward Ramsden

 

For Robyn Fawthrope

Who stole my heart. 

 

11/04/2006

Return

Stars Shining in the Sky of Night
Old Sun Waxes No More On Fair Grass
That in the Winter Scored
From Green To Gold
The Leaves Transform Into Shadowed Memories Of Old
That from the Dawning Winter Pass
Will Bring New Life To Old Wounds
That in The night Glimmer With The Shape Of Seasons To Come.
Never More Seek To heal such wounds
I Speak Of Love Once More
Or Should Thou Say Pain Once More
For is only through Pain That We Make Sense Of Love
And Make Merry Of Its Joy
Only Do We So With The Sword
Of Pass Do we turn To Watch The Torrid River Run
And In Sky Once More We Watch Upon The Stars
And In Our Minds…We Dream Of Forgotten Past
To Sun Caress the Land And Destroy All Dreams Within
And Reality Faces The Last Stand Of Joy


Never To Be returned….

Edward Ramsden

7/12/2003

 

An attempts at nonscence poetry, Edward Lear inspired.

No Suprise

How could the world I’ve cherished so much,
Be ten feet underground,
I’m cold and alone with not so much as a smile,
No ones here to be found,
I stand alone on the edge of compassion,
In winds that don’t exist,
Staring at a grave so vast, that it steals your breath,
As it sparkles in the dusty mist,
Yesterday’s papers are the same as today,
Just nothing that you can do,
Except watch as they rot in the gutter of life,
Its heartbreaking I know but its true.
So we keep on looking for a world that isn’t there,
Hopeing for a sign of god
But this is the edge of compassion my friend,
And there’s nothing there….How Odd?

Edward Ramsden

7/2/05

 

Like so many, sad at the state of the world.

 

This was my secret statement.

Hugs

There’s no smirk on your face,
I can see your lament,
I hear voices that mock,
No time to repent.
Iv said im rueful, cant you see.
There’s just nothing left for you and me,
Im walking a boulevard that has No End,
Iv Lost My way And Am Scared to Death.
The Crying is Over And Realisation hits home,
Were walking our own paths, were Really Alone.
But ill still hold your hand, when the night is cold,
If u need someone hug, im quite Good im Told.
I Do Love you I promise.
Its Just Too Dark To See,
That Loves A Lie, Our Dreams Are Broken,
And You’re Just To Good For Me.

 

Edward Ramsden

5/5/2006

 

Guess what this one is about. I used letters instead of words at this point in my poetry.

For example."If u need someone to hug"

A Reason

I’m 21 For Fucks Sake,

I don’t know what to be,

I’m Just wandering the country looking for an answer,

knowing it wont come to me,

People Say Don’t Worry,

You Create Your Soul Over Time,

Just Relax and watch The Clouds Go By

And Everything Will Be Fine.

The Clouds are all the same now,

 I recognise every one,

I Can tell you The Meaning Of Life For Sure,

But Not Where It Begun.

I Can Sooth Aching Muscles

And Make Other People Laugh,

I’m Not A Comedian, I have To Many Flaws

But wouldn’t stop if given the chance.

Iv tried the drugs and swallowed the following hours

From drop to line to toke,

From Everyday Spent With perfect company

Still Laughing at the same old jokes.

Nothings the same, I wish I could stop,

This line is so god damb long,

I just hope that one day some will give me name.

And a reason to hang on.

Edward Ramsden

 

21/07/2006

 Another failed attempt and life and love

3 Am

The Voices Dont Help,
 They make things worse,
 this martini im drinking,
 is no longer a savour, but a curse,
 the lights are low and im barley visable,
 looking for something to make me feel incredable,
 find printed type, black then white,
 sometimes this addictive habit keeps me awake all night,
 this girl im thinking off couldnt be further away,
 in mind not body, yet neither memory or thought will stay,
 cant help but feel rythem in the screen light,
 keep dancing where no one can see, hoping that it feels right,
 lost in my own direction, trying to get my head together,
 cant make up my mind about how i am and or if or never,

 

Edward Ramsden

Wrote this at 3am one sad night.
 15.8.2006

One Way

A one-way battle of epic proportions,
Like the lonely performer, lost in contortion,
We break and scuffle, to please humankind,
But bring to a standstill what we left behind,
 We walk forward but cant recall,
What was once is now no more,
So if I give you a reason to hang on,
Then please stay, I wont be long.


Edward (Shoes) Ramsden

I Like This But Not The Ending

Happy Halesworth Poem

The trouble-free Incandescent Glow Of The Sun,

Alluringly Blinds Me In The Summers Heat.

The River Echoes In The Background of my mind,

Making Me Aware Of The Simple Beauty Of Life.

something innate That holds So Much Mystery.

The breeze Is Soft and tender On Fresh Face,

And For The moment I Forget It Even Exists.

Friends Talks Around Me And Play Fight On The Velvet Grass,

Every One Of Them Has A Story To Tell And A Song To Sing.

Time Has Stopped In Its Tracks And I Regret Nothing.

All I Feel Is Appreciation For Everything,

For The Season,

For The Company,

For the open minds that Keep Me Feeling Alive.

Relaxed, I bathe in the warmth of Polaris And Diana,

I take one More Glance At The content and educated,

And with a Final Breath I Fall Back Into My Mind.

Forever Grateful To The World That Received So Little,

And Gave So Much…

Edward Ramsden

20/9/2006

 

 

Wrote this lying on the grass in the park in Halesworth.

Surrounded by amazing people who were amazing freinds

 

This poem makes me miss them a lot.